Top Ten Types of Frontmen
Aristotle claimed that there are only seven types of people in this world, and the clichés of the music industry don't wander too far away from such a theory. All too often you go to a gig only to experience an overwhelming sense of deja vu by these familiar faces.
The "Thank you all so much for coming" - He's probably told you to check out the merch table and their Band Camp / Sound Cloud account 8+ times during the set. His biggest fan is his Mam and he wants to "thank her so much for everything she's given him”, especially the guitar lessons.
The Bad Boy - This individual is prone to a leather jacket and snarling lyrics through the corner of his pout. He's obnoxious and will be hostile over the smallest of offenses. So for God's sake - don't mention or compare him to Alex Turner.
The Girl - Even after decades of trying to defeat the patriarchy, even the arts are still dictated by it. The majority of bands are mainly (if not entirely) made up of male members. Hence why having a girl fronting isn't commonplace. Long live the Gwen Stefani's, Ellie Rowsell's and Debby Harry's.
The Morrissey - This specimen is an eccentric breed. Fond of garish clothing and indulging in a heated political rant that leaves you a little hollow, only to be revived by the riffs of the far more talented guitarist.
The Basket Case - This specimen is probably wearing the same unwashed clothes every time you see him. It looks like he hasn't eaten or slept in days . His forte is belting out an emotional or angsty track but his presence is morose enough to make a Tim Burton film look like the latest piece of Disney Princess drivel.
The Invisible Man - Never-ending instrumentals, overpowering guitar solos and a neglected mic stand. If you listen hard enough, you might be able to make out an awkward murmur coming from a frightened singer in the corner. The sound guy has cranked his speaker up to full blast but it's all in vain - only the local dogs can hear this vocalist.
The Usurper - We've all seen band's who have a mediocre front man who's limelight is stolen by the guitarist or bass player. Whether it's their killer riffs or their ability to throw some sweet shapes, sometimes the limelight falls elsewhere.
The Flat Pack Singer - Triple and mixer in one hand with the mic limply lying in the other. Why bother hitting the big notes when there's Jack Daniels to drink? By the end of the 30minute set, he'll be lying on the floor in pieces after drinking away his share of the door money.
The Couple - Music and Love go hand in hand, but not always in perfect harmony. Unless you're planning on creating 2016's equivalent to the legendary 'Rumours' album, don't bring your significant other on stage with you. Whether it's the fact you're cocooned around each other's limbs, or dedicating every other song to each other or just making gooey eyes at each other, it's never an enjoyable experience for the audience.
The One - Sometimes people just get it right. Their performance is the perfect balance of talent and attitude and the band would be lost without them. Their fan-girl inducing grin always helps too.